i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
