it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
