You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
