Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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