Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
