Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
