I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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