He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
