In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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