You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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