i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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