Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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