The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
