Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
