Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
