I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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