put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize