one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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