End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
ok first of all what the fuck
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
