That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
