just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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