I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
