return my video game
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
