I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
