apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
