You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize