I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You ruined the universe
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
