Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
