remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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