We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
