shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
