she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
