Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
