No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize