I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
