So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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