woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
