Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mom said you looked used
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
and you fell through a lawn chair
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
