38 yer olds are good kisserssss
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
