i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
