All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
