I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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