Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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