The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
