three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize