There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
