he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
