Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
