omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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