I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
