Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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