I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Randomize
