I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
