The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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