Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
