I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
