I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
