There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
