I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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