I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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