carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
