Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
