tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
