i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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