Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have fence marks all over my body
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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