??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
