We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
