When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They took my balls.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
