I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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