I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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