I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The struggles of a small town man whore
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
