hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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