hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My dick has a subreddit
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
