dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
