Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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