lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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