Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
