Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
