i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize