so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
