plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
