Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
