you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
