So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
