He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
