I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
