I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
