My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
