How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
