I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
