He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think my tv is drunk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize