well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
