So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
