I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
