I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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