she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
