So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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