I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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