I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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