My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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