What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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