I am in a vortex of obligation.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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