But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize