listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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