I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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