The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
zippers are such a cool invention
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
