I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
