so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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