i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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