"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
