I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
